Shark Week in Review
All good things must come to an end. It’s been another unforgettable Shark Week so I thought I’d post my favorite photo from each day of this regrettably short annual event.
Monday:
Shark Week hit the ground running this year with Mayor Bloomberg himself presenting the key to the city to sharks. All of the sharks who were there appeared to be very grateful for the honor but I’m basing that solely on the fact that they didn’t even once try to eat the mayor. These sharks, they play everything real close to the vest.
Tuesday:
Here’s an adorable photo of a shark having an absolute blast with some girl scouts at the Santa Ana Zoo. Have you ever seen a shark smile that big, ever?!? This is exactly what Shark Week is all about… Bringing our children and sharks closer together. Really, really close together. The girl on the left is dead now.
Wednesday:
On Wednesday a shark closed out the New York Stock Exchange. It was pretty cool. He got a little too into the gavel though and he kept doing it for like ten minutes and everyone was like “Take that damn gavel away from that shark!” and then everyone else was like “I’m not going to take anything away from a shark! I’m not stupid.” and then everyone was like “Good call, man. Good call.” I think he left with the gavel.
Thursday:
On Thursday I was down at Sun Life Stadium ready to watch a freaking shark throw out the first pitch at the Marlins game. Unfortunately right when that shark was about to throw the ball some idiot told the Marlins mascot to come out and get the crowd into it. Well, sharks eat Marlins you idiot guy who’s in charge of shit. For me, seeing kids see a shark eat a man in a costume was the real low point of Shark Week.
Friday:
Let me just say to all you people who always brag about that time you swam with dolphins that you can just shut it up for forever because I just rode waterslides with goddamn sharks. NO ONE died at the waterpark today and although I can’t prove it, I think a shark intentionally high-fived me at the bottom of one of the slides. It was a perfect end to Shark Week. Fuck, I am so sad it’s over. 358 days until Shark Week!
